You know the story of Goldilocks. She goes through and has to try every bowl of porridge and the beds before she finds her perfect one. Well, jean shopping is kind of like that but worse. I can’t think of anything more utterly time consuming, stressful, and overwhelming (well, other than planning your wedding) than jean shopping. I go to a big department store. Bergdorf Goodman being the store of choice. I search for a sales person but honestly, I just read Lauren Conrad’s Denim Guide so I must be set. I’m pretty much a Denim Guru. According to her, I can wear almost any cut, but boot cut will be the most flattering. How many pairs do you have to try on to find the perfect one? Do you want a straight leg, a skinny pair, a cigarette leg, wait is that the same as the straight leg? Are boot cuts completely out? Cause I swear I saw Jessica Alba in a pair.
My size? I never really know until I try them on. Yeah, I know every brand is different…Thanks, for bringing me all these options. You’re right, I won’t know unless I try all the fits. Well, I’m petite but I’m an hourglass. Nope. These don’t work. If it fits in the thighs/butt then it doesn’t fit in the waist. Yeah, I know, Kim Kardashian and I have the same problem. I never knew she tailored all of her jeans to fit better in the waist. Okay, let’s try down a size. Yeah, that really did help.
Okay, I think I’ve found the right pair. Great. Oh? What wash do I want it in? The blue kind. Oh, you have 9 different types of washes in blue. No, that fade right there makes my thighs look bigger. Do you have plain? Great. Stitching? So this color has three different color stitching options. How about something simple? Okay. Awesome, just blue on blue.
Now, I need to test drive them. I need to know I can do the most important functions in them.
Well, I can’t arabesque in these so that’s not going to work.
Oh, these let me do my best Miley impersonation. This might be a winner.
But these allow me to philosophize the meaning of life and what pastels are missing from my closet (way to get into my head, Harper’s Bazaar).
But I think I need to go back to these because they allow me to bend down like a lady.
Yes, yes, these will do.
In the end, I ate all the porridge (making it harder to fit into my jeans) then laid in every bed (quite the workout), even tried to convince my stylist to let me have Blake Lively’s hair color and found that the only one that was just right was made by tried and true, J. Brand Jeans. I ended up with the Photo Ready Skinny Leg and like they say, when you find a basic that works for you and you love, buy many. Bye, bye credit card limit. It was nice knowing you but even better knowing sweet, sweet denim comfort.